and I have no idea how to scramble out.
I know when I feel sad or anxious or mad or bored–but at this moment, I seem to have all those rolled into one and it is making for a miserable me. We are on day 3 of no school…not sure what roll that is playing into things. Part of my anxiety is coming from wondering each day what tomorrow will bring. Do I need to have lessons ready for a full day or a half day or will we be home. What can I accomplish, etc.
The weekend was an unusual mix of relaxation because we were snowed in, and utter frustration because I lost some software vital to my lesson planning and work. The man about the place couldn’t fix it quickly, and didn’t have time to help me out, so I spent most of Monday on the phone and online getting it fixed myself. Eventually, it did get fixed, but so much time and energy went into it, that I am still angry about it. In between, I have done laundry and cleaned the bathroom and mopped and dusted and so on. I have made big meals.. more complicated meals.. since I did have time. A roasted veg soup is in the fridge, and homemade spaghetti and meatball sauce is waiting for tonight. So I have been productive, and done a good job with householding.
I have taken the middle child to the library twice for research for a report on Sir Francis Drake. I have taken the eldest to get a new retainer and picked up meds at the pharmacy. I have helped the youngest come up with and create his Valentines for his class. I have supervised and finished off the writing of the Thank you notes and sending them off in the mail.
I been a good housekeeper. I have checked lots of things off the list. I have watched a good movie or two, done some knitting, and slept well. And yet, I feel miserable.I could do with a good long cry, and feel the tears right there, but I am home with my kids and don’t want them to wonder what is going on.
I am in a “nobody loves me everybody hates me I am going to go eat worms” frame of mind. Is it cabin fever? Is it the February slump? Is it hormonal? Is it the emotions and stresses of the last few months still spilling out?
I feel volatile and cranky. Empty and alone. And I still have a ton of things to do on my list.. so, better pick myself up and soldier on. And hope that whatever this is, it passes soon.